Just another day clean.

Well that's about all it feels like (just another day). I really can't seem to get out of my head today. Not that I want to use or anything like that. See my problem is that I'm also dealing with bipolar. And it seems like my doctors just can't seem to get me stable. I've been taking meds. for about two years now for this and it seems like just when I think I'm going to be alright here comes another shift in my mood. Most people can't understand what I'm talking about. But when this happens it's like being happy and then it's like someone hits a switch and I feel like shit. For about 14 months I felt some what alright. But now that I sit here and think to myself do I really know what alright is? From day to day it's been like I feel great one second then bam I feel like shit. This has been going on for about five months now. It kind of scares me because over the years I've done some really dumb things when I feel like this. They have tripled some of my meds and here I am its 2am and I can't sleep. I can stay up for days with out getting tired and it's starting to get old. I have an appointment with a new psychotherapist on Monday so I'm really hoping that this will help. Well that’s it for now I'll post again tomorrow hope I feel better...

Well this is my first post ever

First of all hello all. My name is Rob and I'm an addict I've been in recovery for most of my life starting when I was 18 and in the army. That was the first time I ever heard for the 12 steps and like most people my answer to that was hell no not me. I was in Korea at this time in my life and was told I had a problem and was made to take a drug called antabuse or disulfiram as it is also known. It was the first medicine approved for the treatment of alcohol abuse and alcohol dependence. The way it worked was you toke the pill and if you drank you got really sick. Well I took the pill for about three days in front of my commanding officer and didn't drink a drop. On the forth day I started cheeking the pill and spiting it out as soon as I walked away from him and drank that same night. I did this for about maybe a week or so. I would buy a bottle and fill a flask and go to the bars and order a coke and mix my own drink in the bathroom. Well it didn't take long for me to get in trouble. You know how that works one leads to two and so on and before you know it the whole bottle is empty and I'm full. So the army decided that I just was a not good fit and out they put me. Well that was 24 years ago and I ever since that time I could write not one book but fill a library. As of now I've been clean and sober for about 6 months. Before that I had a year and used twice. This seems to be how my life has been . I get clean and sober for a period of time drink and use for about a week to a month and start all over. The longest time I've been clean and sober is 2 years and I must say that was the best time of my life. Well that’s a good start to let people to see where I'm coming from. Stay tuned I'll going to write something here everyday and open up about where drugs and drinking brought me over the years and what I've learned from some of my screw ups and also what I've learned from some great people in recovery.